Sunday, April 7, 2013

Barthes and My Dirty Hushed Secrets


One Reason Why A Lover’s Discourse is So Good

I read this book and was quickly embarrassed. I was astonished that someone could know how my mind acts when I am ‘in love’.

All those dark secrets I have. The ones you have too. Barthes knows them all. Because he also has had them. Really, anyone who has ever been in any form of love will have had these, for lack of a better word, feelings.

We are amazing creatures. We like to think of our uniqueness from the others. We do this out of vanity or self-interest. We do not want to be just another one among many. We want to stand out. We do this because we think that it makes us matter more. But it doesn’t. And this type of behaviour is rather silly. Especially considering we are herd animals.

My unique experience of being in love appears to share the exact characteristics Barthes’s portrait of a lover experiences. I should not be so embarrassed or ashamed. I should feel a sense of connection from this. If I were vain I would stay embarrassed. Being just this side of self-absorbed I can healthily say that reading this book made me feel less alone.

Somebody out there had the same obsessive thoughts as me, the same narcissistic wound from a miniscule event, the same jealousy and envy from observing other people having, possessing, my beloved. Really, somebody finally had the balls to put pen to paper and give a ruthlessly accurate account of the Lover to the Loved. 

We should not feel judged by this account. We should be able to accept it. It should be welcoming. We should read this book and be able to laugh about it. We can think on it as much as we like. In the end, I would argue that we are already fascinating creatures and this process of ‘love’ makes us endlessly more fascinating and somewhat comical. The crazy, silly things we do in love. Those little things make it worth it. So: laugh. Its funny.

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